Replacements
by Fictionnaire
Summary: since Ziva got kidnapped and being tortured... Team Gibbs are being assigned replacements until they can find the right one. If that's a possibility. Warning Crack!Fic
1. Doctor Gregory House

_**Replacement…**_

_**A/N: Since Ziva is out and getting herself tortured and all that(goodie) I thought that someone has to come and be her replacement. So here's a couple of crackpot ideas. And PS. If you have a suggestion of who you'd like to see on Team Gibbs and I know the character or person, then I'll happily try and do it.**_

"_Alright, I have a few ideas," Vance said to Gibbs. "Since you're holding it off, I'll be putting people on your team on a trial basis and we'll see how it pans out," he waited for the response._

"_This is madness," Gibbs said. But he didn't have the chance to argue._

* * *

NCIS Bullpen 0930 hrs

Gibbs checked his watch as he waited for the new agent to arrive. He had been waiting for him impatiently. The replacement was supposed to be here at 0800 at the latest. Gibbs was already starting to dislike the agent already. The elevator dinged and an unshaven man walked with a cane. "I'm looking for Special Agent Gibbs," he called out in annoyance. "Come on people, I don't have all day," he finally entered the bullpen.

"I'm Special Agent Gibbs," Gibbs eyed him skeptically and looked at the cane. How was this guy going to be a field agent?

"Agent Gregory House," House said. He had stopped listening to Gibbs and checked the files on the desk. "Hmm, basic homicide, basic robbery. Boring. Don't you have anything worth while? Oh, hello," House said as he hobbled over to his desk.

"What are you doing?" Gibbs snapped.

"Choosing a case file," House swallowed a Vicodin pill.

"We don't _choose _our cases," Gibbs snapped at him. At this point of time Tony and McGee strolled in. "This is Ziva's replacement," Gibbs told the two.

"I'm agent Tony DiNozzo," Tony introduced himself.

"Tim McGee," McGee said.

House stared at them for a moment. They had introduced themselves but he just didn't care. "I'm sorry, but for a moment there, I almost found myself caring. Thank God! That scary feeling had past," he said as he clumsily got to his feet. "I'm Gregory House. And I'm here because some whiny ass suit told me to be here," House told them.

"Okay," Tony said slowly.

"Gear up," Gibbs said. "We have a dead body in Washington State Park. A couple of joggers came across it," he told them. They were all in the elevator waiting for House to catch up.

* * *

"Tony… Sketch and Laser. McGee… Bag and tag and photograph," Gibbs lowered his head. "What did you do before coming here, Agent House?" he asked.

"I was a doctor… I worked a lot of clinic hours," House followed Gibbs.

"Well you can interview the witness then since you've had experience in dealing with people," Gibbs told him. They approached the man and woman who had found the body. The woman looked pretty shaken up and was sniffling.

"Alright," House said as he pulled out his flipbook. "What time did you come across the body?" He asked.

"It was about quarter past eight," the woman answered.

"I need to know exactly," House responded while rolling his eyes. "It's imperative we get down as many accurate details as possible," he told her while trying to remain patient. His patience meter was always really low.

"I'm sorry," the woman began to cry. "I don't know the exact time," she screamed at him.

"Oh, stop that whining," House told her. "Look at the dead body there. Look at it! Now that guy has something to whine about doesn't he?" House asked. He was getting annoyed at the lack of help.

"Agent House!" Gibbs snapped at him. "What do you think you're doing?" The hysterical woman was even more hysterical.

"My job," House said.

"Go back with the body and wait for our ME to arrive," Gibbs ordered. He was already getting annoyed with the replacement already and it was going to take him ages to calm the woman down.

House was getting bored waiting around. He breathed a sigh of relief when the ME van finally pulled up and Ducky and Palmer walked out. "You are the ME?" House asked.

"I am Doctor Mallard," Ducky said. "Ah, you must be the new team member," it finally dawned on him as he bent down to get the liver temperature.

"We need to order a CT scan, x-rays, full blood work," House told him as he went through the list of tests. "A CBC is completely necessary," he continued. Ducky nodded as he assumed that the new agent was acting under Gibbs' orders.

"It'll take time," Ducky said as they began loading the gurney.

"It'll take even less if you stop yakking and get to it," House responded quickly. It was a tough time already.

* * *

_**NCIS bullpen**_

House had observed his coworkers. He had already made up his mind that he didn't like any of them. Tony was sleeping at his desk. McGee was down in the lab. Gibbs went to get coffee and see what was taking Ducky so long with the autopsy. A sadistic grin appeared on House's face when he came back with a small bucket of warm water. He knew it was childish but he didn't care. He picked up Tony's limp hand and placed it in the bucket for awhile. The same trick had worked with his colleague. After an amount of time had passed, he took the bucket away and sat back at his desk.

_**NCIS Autopsy**_

"What's taking so long with the autopsy Duck?" Gibbs asked Ducky.

"With all the tests that you've requested, it's going to take some time," Ducky turned to face him. "I am surprised that you've ordered so many tests," he added. Gibbs looked confused. He hadn't requested any tests. "You didn't order these?" Ducky asked and watched Gibbs shake his head. "The new agent said he wanted to have these tests done… But didn't actually mention that you wanted it done," Ducky surmised that he misinterpreted the whole incident.

"I'm going to speak to him," Gibbs said before leaving autopsy with a heavy sigh.

Gibbs walked into the bullpen and saw House tapping on the desk to a silent tune. Tony was beginning to wake up. "Agent House!" Gibbs snapped.

"What?!" House almost whined. His attention was momentarily distracted when Tony wiped his eyes and stopped suddenly.

Tony couldn't believe that his pants felt soggy. He heard Gibbs yelling at House. That wasn't knew, it was like they were at each others' throats since the new Agent had arrived. Then, Tony realized why his pants were soggy and almost died of embarrassment. How could he have pissed him self in the middle of the bullpen? While Gibbs and House were arguing, Tony grabbed his jumper and made a quick run to the change rooms.

"Are you listening to me?!" Gibbs shouted.

"Yes," House said.

"Agent Gibbs! Agent House!" Vance shouted from the landing. "My office now!" He ordered.

Gibbs and House walked into Vance's office. "Care to tell me why you ordered all these tests, Agent Gibbs?" Vance asked.

"I didn't," Gibbs retorted. He wasn't going to claim responsibility.

"I did," House claimed full responsibility. "They're great diagnostic tools. I had to find out what happened," he replied confidently.

"Agent House… You spent almost half of our monthly budget in less than one day. We can't afford to keep you at this rate," Vance said coldly.

"I'm fired?" House asked hopefully.

"Yes," Vance answered.

"Yes!" Gibbs and House shouted in unison.

"The next replacement will be in tomorrow," Vance said, that wiped the slight smile that Gibbs had.

* * *

_**A/N: I know it's crazy. And not really fair. In the next chapter… Someone totally unexpected joins NCIS. Any guesses?**_


	2. Rogue Agent Alex Krychek

_**

* * *

**_

Replacements Chapter 2

"_Alright I admit it Agent Gibbs," Vance said as he looked at be Gibbs. "You won't hear this too often. But I was wrong. I thought Gregory House would be a great addition to your team. Your new member will be arriving in the morning," he said with a smile._

"_This is a mistake Leon… How are we expected to solve a case when we're getting a new team member all the time?" Gibbs asked._

"_Give them a chance Agent Gibbs," Vance answered._

"_Damn it Leon," Gibbs argued._

"_That's an order Agent Gibbs," Vance pulled rank._

"_Yes Sir," Gibbs said in defeat._

* * *

Gibbs was having a tough time reading through the results of the countless tests that the now former agent, Gregory House had ordered. Some of them, Gibbs didn't even understand the results he was looking at. Surely, Ducky would have told him if there was anything odd about the results. Maybe they were all normal. Whatever that was. He was so engrossed in reading that he didn't even notice the man standing in front of him. He was wearing a baseball cap that didn't seem to go with his heavy grey coat. The man extended his left hand.

"And you are?" Gibbs looked at him.

"Krycek… Alex Krycek," Krycek answered. When Gibbs refused to shake his hand, Krycek withdrew his hand. "I'm looking forward to working with you," he spoke in a low tone but clear.

"What experience do you have?" Gibbs got straight to the point with the younger man.

Krycek didn't seem deterred by the question. On the contrary, he had been expecting it. A long time ago he learned to expect the distrustful attitude of anyone he worked with. "I actually had been an FBI agent for a couple of years. I've ran and taken part in Covert Ops, Special Ops and also I worked alongside KGB and other organizations," he didn't elaborate further.

"Yeah, what doing?" Gibbs asked in a challenging tone. He was unsure if all that was true.

"There's a lot I can't mention and there's a lot I won't mention," Krycek answered cryptically. "I'm sure that there are people that understand that there are just some things that are best left buried. What's done is done," he gave the reason.

Gibbs did understand that. There was something about Krycek that he thought he could trust. They were almost alike in some aspects. "Don't bother unpacking," Gibbs pointed to the gym bag. It sounded callous but they did have a job to do and they had to go visit the family of the victim that had turned up.

"Yes, Mister Gibbs," Krycek said.

"DiNozzo! McGee!" Gibbs raised his voice. "This is Agent Krycek. He's the latest replacement," Gibbs informed them.

Tony and McGee acted as friendly as Gibbs did. Which wasn't very friendly. They too were skeptical about this whole idea of replacing Ziva. But the orders were from the superior so they had no choice but to obey. But they hadn't been ordered to like it. The team was out on the road again.

* * *

_**Lewis residence**_

Tony was saying something to McGee when Krycek peered through the window. He had wondered why there wasn't any answer. Then he saw the man walking around with a gun in hand. Tony and McGee continuously talked to each other.

"Pull your head out of the sand Mister DiNozzo. There's trouble coming," Krycek told them seriously and in a low tone.

Tony looked in the window and saw what had got Krycek's attention before. Krycek put on his dirty looking grey cap. "You know they issue you one with these NCIS caps," Tony pointed to his own cap.

"No, I'm right… He's going out the back. I think," Krycek observed. He took his sig out with one hand. "You two wait here… I'll go around the back," he ordered them and set off before they could countermand his order.

Tony managed to get the door unlocked and he and McGee slowly walked through the house. Their suspect had left the house by the look of it. There was no sign of the man at all. McGee, Tony and Krychek met each other on the outside. "Where'd he go?" McGee asked. The man would've had to get out the back way. That was the exit that Krychek was taking.

"He got away," Krychek said simply.

"Why didn't you say something?" Tony asked.

"You didn't give me a chance," He answered flatly. "I was just not quick enough," he was still emotionless about the whole thing. Frankly, his coldness was beginning to get on Tony's nerves.

Tony grabbed Krychek's arm to spin him around. "Would you at least look like you care?" He challenged the replacement. Krychek just looked at him. Tony was annoyed. "Keep it up and I'll rip your arm off and beat you with it. The man was inside, we had him in our grasp," Tony withdrew his hand and pointed to the house. Unfortunately, he hit McGee in the head with something he was holding.

"Can I have my arm back?" Krychek asked casually.

Tony realized that he was holding the man's fake arm and McGee was rubbing his temple where he had been struck. "Sorry," was all Tony could say in response as he handed the arm back to Krychek so he could put the arm back on.

"It always happens when I meet new people," Krychek shrugged his shoulders.

"We'll go back to DC and get a BOLO on him," Tony said. There wasn't much they could do at the moment.

* * *

_**NCIS**_

McGee, Tony and Krychek had visited the PD to get their co-operation to look out for their suspect before heading back to the Navy Yard. McGee took his usual position of doing the computer work, while DiNozzo looked on.

"Hey!" Gibbs called out to them. He looked around to see if Krychek was around. "How's Agent Krychek working out?" Gibbs asked.

"The suspect got away from him… He's got a fake arm and a real nonchalant attitude," Tony gave an assessment. But there was something about him that Tony didn't trust. He wasn't sure.

"What happened to you, McGee?" Gibbs saw the bruise on McGee's temple.

"Tony hit me," McGee stated.

"Technically, Krychek hit you," Tony smiled.

Gibbs looked around. "Where is he?" He looked around more. "Where's the case file?" Gibbs demanded to know. All the case notes were gone. Alex Krychek was gone. He read a little post-it note that was attached to his computer. It was a meeting place and time. He armed him self and went down to the garage.

* * *

_**NCIS Garage**_

Gibbs looked around. He wanted to know who had requested his presence. But he could hazard a guess. "Thanks for coming Mister Gibbs," Krychek's voice came out from the darkness quickly followed by him.

"What is it?" Gibbs asked.

"I like you Mister Gibbs," Krychek said. "So I thought I'd tell you that I took the file and I have sold it to the FBI. So… There's nothing personal about this… Don't get me wrong, I did what I had to do," he said flatly. "I enjoyed working beside you," he walked into the darkness.

Gibbs wasn't sure what to do about this. Maybe this little bit of madness would show Director Vance that this was an extremely bad idea. After all, Gibbs has worked on three man teams before. Perhaps they should do that again.

_**A/N: Next Chapter: How does the next Replacement hopeful land everyone back into the sexual harassment meeting?**_


End file.
